That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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