i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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