the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
