I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
