so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
