put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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