Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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