So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
