Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
