My sheets look like a crime scene.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
