That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
