go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
