i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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