just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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