so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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