shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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