Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
