dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
