I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
