i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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