This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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