I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
