Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
