Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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