I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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