just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
