My cat gives me a boner
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
