Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I could make wine with my vomit
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
