Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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