I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
