I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
