i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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