I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
