The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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