I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
