i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
