i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
