I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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