Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
