he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
