Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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