I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
