so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we should paint friendship bongs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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