you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think people are normalizing furries
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
