Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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