then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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