i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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