Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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