My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
