Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
