I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
