I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
