So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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