You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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