then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
