I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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