you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
