Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
