Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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